My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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