Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
