How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
