I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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