Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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