I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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