just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
