They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
