It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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