??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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