i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
