the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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