well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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