no one should ever give us hovercrafts
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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