ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
