I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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