well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
