haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
