Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
