I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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