Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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