Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
