turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
