I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
