kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You are a genius and a whore.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
