census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
