I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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