there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
