are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
