i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
