I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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