My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
