Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
