You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
