thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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