Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
