Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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