Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
