I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
