At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
