Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
