I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
