Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
