well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
