i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
