So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't deserve a penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
