Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
