You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
