Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
