I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
