Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
